Shape-Shifting Lizards ‘Categorically Deny’ Association With Donald Trump

donald trump

Arpatocian Gnkalala, lead spokesman for The Shape-Shifting Lizards, has today denied that Donald Trump is a member of their race.

Speaking at a press conference on his home planet of ‘Cesareandavidcrosby 17’, Gnkalala emphasised that his race finds the US Presidential hopeful ‘morally repugnant’ and that any association with him would taint his people’s reputation.

‘We, the Shape-Shifting Lizard race, find the human named Donald Trump’s views to be complete at odds with our goal of world domination and control of the entire universe’s resources’, said the 7800 year old anthropomorphic reptile.

‘While we initially were not planning to make a statement denying the ridiculous notion that Trump, with his morally repugnant opinions, could ever be a member of our proud race, we felt we had no choice after reading a 2,300 page thread started by ‘InsideJob912′ on the forum debating whether or not Mr Trump is part of the Shape-Shifting Lizard conspiracy to control the mass media and world institutions.

I therefore, on behalf of my people, the good, hard working Shape-Shifting Lizards of the universe, must make a categorical denial that the odious Trump is a member of our glorious race’

Gnkalala, who first rose to prominence on inter-galactic reality TV show, ‘Are you Smarter Than a 1,000 Year Old Sapling?’, continued ‘We find Mr Trump’s attempt to dehumanise and demonise Muslim and Latino immigrants to be completely at odds with our aims and values. The Shape-Shifting Lizards see no colour or race among humans, and plan to enslave all of them, regardless of colour or creed.

‘Furthermore Trump’s plan to build a wall goes completely against our stance of open borders among all the nations of the Planet Cretin, or Earth as it is colloquially known. We need all peoples of Trump’s home planet to be united in building the giant ice ray needed to destroy the Sun, thus fulfilling The Reptilians’ long term plan for your galaxy.

‘Finally we, the Shape-Shifting Lizards, have planted many of our race in high power position on Cretin, blending in with the human race flawlessly and without notice by transforming into normal looking men and women. Why in God’s name would we choose to appear in the form of a man who looks like a cross between The Cowardly Lion and a mouldy bruised potato!?’

While it remains to be seen what effect the Shape Shifting Lizards’ statement will have on the Republican Nomination Race, the revelation that Mr Trump is not one of them will presumably not play well with senior figures of the GOP, with whom he is already exceptionally unpopular.


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