George Osbourne Announces a New Tax on Vowels


George Osbourne MP this week announced his plans for a new duty aimed at reducing the high number of vowels in Britain today.

In a statement to the media, the Chancellor said that these plans were “bsltly ncssry fr Brtn’s cntnd nd sstnd cnmc grwth”.

In conjunction with these proposals, George ‘Gideon doesn’t work well with the electorate’ Osbourne will also put into effect the immediate renaming of institutions that contain too many vowels – including motoring organisation AA, mobile phone company EE and U2.


The letter ‘A’ (displayed inset as a pretty rainbow) is just one of many vowels affected by these proposals.

The Opposition Leader Jeremy Corbyn has criticised these plans by claiming the Government have already cut too many vowels in this Parliament. Mr Corbyn said in an official Labour Party statement that the Chancellor was “plaaaniiing aaaa diiismaaantliiing ooof theeee naaaatiiiooonaaal aaalphaaabeeet, whiiich wooouuuuld aaaffeeect the pooooreeest aaand mooost vuuulneeeraaableeee seeectiiiooons oooof…” and at this point everyone fell asleep.

Other political figures have weighed in on the issue, with Nigel Farage calling for “a r&d1c&l r3-3v&luation 0f h0w p3ople $p3&k”. Former Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg was also around.

Mayor of London Boris Johnson is also believed to be in favour of the Chancellor’s new policy, although that might be how he speaks anyway…


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