Serial killers everywhere were shocked today to hear that famed cannibal Hannibal Lecter was throwing his support behind Bernie Sanders in the Democratic Presidential race.
Dr Lecter, the ‘Chesapeake Ripper’, is currently incarcerated for a number of murders in which he dined on his victims flesh. He said that his and Bernie’s aims were similar. ‘I eat the members of high society, and Sanders is trying to drain their power and wealth away. In many ways we’re both trying to undo the powerful, and that is why I fully endorse Sanders for president’.
The Sanders campaign welcomed the endorsement. Bernie told onlookers at a rally today, ‘Mr Lecter’s endorsement is part of the growing trend of disillusionment with the political class. By supporting this campaign, Hannibal the Cannibal is showing the 1% that he’s had enough of their lies, their tax dodging, their misuse of power. I fully welcome Mr Lecter’s support, and any mass murderer’s support’.
Hannibal’s endorsement comes as a shock as most psychopathic murderers were choosing to support Ted Cruz, the Zodiac Killer. Charles Manson, notorious nutjob, said in a statement to reporters, ‘I find Hannibal’s choice very confusing. I want a president who killed several people in the 70s and got away with it, and I think that’s what most Americans want to. I can only speculate why Hannibal is taking this direction’
Cruz was reportedly unhappy with Lecter’s endorsement, with most polls suggesting he would receive his support. Cruz told the Flipside, ‘I didn’t kill 5 people or possible more just so other maniacs would support that socialist’.
It’s to be seen how the endorsement will affect the race.