A University of Leeds student today loudly exclaimed that anyone who attends Leeds Beckett University is ‘idiot pond-life, who’ll be serving me at McDonalds in ten years time’.
Ignoring all possible socio-economic reasons as to why a person might not do that well at their A-Levels, and might therefore have to choose to go to a less prestigious university, Benjamin Sailsbury-Johnson, a third year Philosophy student, who previously studied at the £1,000 pound a semester Saint Moira Stewart School and Sixth Form, was heard to make the remarks in Terrace Bar to a group of his coursemates.
‘I can’t for the life of me figure out why you would choose to go down such a pointless route as attending that university and getting further education’ Sailsbury-Johnson, 22, continued. ‘Isn’t there like a plumbers course or apprenticeship that would make more sense for them? Or why don’t they go to Africa for a year like I did and get a bit of life experience? I got over 170 likes on Facebook of a photo of me with some local schoolchildren, so why not do something like that?’
Sailsbury-Johnson, who attends a predominantly white, middle class, respectable university, and whose father is an investment banker, denied any possible hint of classism in his arguments.
‘Look, it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Leeds Beckett contains a much higher proportion of students from poor or BME backgrounds, I wouldn’t dream of thinking anything like that. It’s just that I consider myself to be above the people that go there.
If they had the same intellectual level as me they’d be studying here wouldn’t they. It’s no excuse to say that it’s all because they didn’t have every conceivable advantage handed to them on a silver platter’.
Sailsbury-Johnson’s comments received a mixed reaction from students of Beckett when Leeds Flipside, wearing a surgeon’s mask and sprayed from head to toe in disinfectant, visited the university earlier.
Jason Scum, a 20 year old Sports Science student drooled ‘Oh, a’ sure as hell don’t min’ what those boys and girls at the big red school say, I keep mysel’ to mysel’ and don’ butt in to that smart world where a’ don belong’, before adding ‘Though they got girls there that are real purty. Real purty indeed’.
Crystal Asbo, a 19 year old Sports Science Student from Doncaster was less forgiven of the comments, loudly shouting ‘You f***ing what? Send him the f**k over here and I’ll smash his t**ts in with a f***ing bike chain, the stupid f***ing c**t. If they’re so f***ing smart how comes we always beat them at rugby every year. Stupid c**t’.
The Vice-Chancellor of Leeds Beckett University was unavailable for comment, as they were too busy selling everything that wasn’t nailed down to a private company owned by a man who would disown his children if they ever came close to attending the former polytechnic.