“This is my angry face…”
Roy Hodgson revealed his final squad selection for the Euros today, making the controversial decision to replace the entire squad with former tennis player Tim Henman.
Mr Hodgson, with his face like a drunk owl, was adamant that his selection will yield the most success for England in France this summer.
“I find it snobbish that many people have ruled out Tim Henman,” Mr Hodgson said to the media today. “Let’s not forget he was England’s number 1 tennis player, and has reached 6 Grand Slam semi-finals. Wayne Rooney hasn’t done that, has he?
Tim Henman (above) is rumoured to have previously been a tennis player
“He has the professionalism we need in the squad at this time,” said the England national coach, before spotting a mouse in the corner of the media room and proceeding to take it to his nest and ‘feed his young’.
Concerning his selection as the entire England squad, Mr Henman said he was “thrilled and stunned to be chosen” and claimed he would do all he could to “not let the gaffer down”. Reports also claim he has started immediate training on improving his backhand.
This announcement comes at a time when many national coaches are experimenting with their line-ups for the Euros. Recently, the Belgian national team revealed that their squad in the summer will entirely consist of the 1995 West End revival cast of Stephen Sondheim’s Company. The national coach described this decision as “brave” and “in hindsight, probably a typo.”
The German national team – wanting to build on their success in the World Cup in 2014 – have selected the fictional group of children The Famous Five as their squad. Joachim Low, the German coach, claimed there had been “difficulties” in this decision related to “visa obstacles regarding citizenship and general non-existence”, but remains hopeful that “their detective skills and sense of adventure will really add something to the team.”
Some coaches have not followed this trend, including the Scottish national coach Fergus McBagpipehaggisstereotype who has chosen to select the normal Scottish squad. This move has been considered foolish amongst many in the footballing world.