In a surprise announcement, the University of Leeds is introducing a new uniform policy which will “allow the student body to represent the true image the University wishes to attain.”
It is now mandatory for students to have at least one ear pierced and/or one ironic tattoo at the risk of expulsion. Tattoos on students, that are not “tastefully ironic” are to be removed by forced laser surgery, with the bill added to their collective student debt. Students with tattoos that include tribal patterns, the words ‘hope’, ‘believe’, and ‘destiny’, or flowers, are to be immediately reprimanded and removed from University grounds.
Pro-Chancellor, Mr David Gray, MA, stated “This is a new, edgier time for Leeds. We have to represent the current trends within Leeds itself so culturally we can lead the path to a cooler, more ironic student body. Safe? Safe.”
First year Biology student, Richard Lankly commented “I just got my tattoo done. It’s a person watching a television, but the screen is only showing static. You probably don’t get it.”
When asked about whether University staff would have to adhere to these new policies, Amateur-Chancellor, Mr Edwin Tooley, PhD turned his head dramatically to reveal three new ear piercings, and then proceeded to do a really rad heel flip on his skateboard down the steps of the Parkinson Building.