Another Piece of Research Finds Link Between Everyday Normal Activity and a Slow Horrible Death

Another random study has today found some tenuous connection between normal activities that everyone does on a regular basis without issue and a painful agonising demise.

The study from some generic group of researchers at That University demonstrates that 100% of people involved in usual stuff eventually kick the bucket, and some of them will die horribly. The study shows a link between getting on with your life and cancer, AIDS, suicide, deep vein thrombosis, car accidents, drowning, radiation poisoning, beheading, peacefully passing in your sleep, being mauled by a pack of hungry bears, pnuemonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, perishing at Pompeii, getting gangrene by stepping on a sharpened lego, being disembowelled by a chicken with a hunting knife strapped to its leg, slowly burning to death in the inevitable heat death of the universe, and every other form of death.

The researchers released this helpful chart to illustrate their findings:

ResearchChart
We wouldn’t have understood the study without this.

The lead ‘scientist’ of the study, Dr. Hack, gave his opinion on what the study means. ‘I think what our research shows is that life is fundamentally pointless. We’re all going to die no matter what, so I think the main message to take away from this is: why bother?’. Dr. Hack proceeded to hang, draw and quarter himself right there and then, possibly proving his research correct.

With this news that the inevitability of annihilation is completely unavoidable, we at Flipside have decided finishing this article is a waste of

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s