April 21st will now be known as ‘World Boning Day’ out of respect to the deceased singer Prince.
Prince, who is also known for performing under a number of monikers, including The Artist Formerly Known As Prince, The Batman Symbol, Klaus Kinky and Alejandro, The Saucy Trumpeteer, passed away suddenly, and it has been decided that the most fitting way to celebrate his legacy is by creating a day where we all bang like wild alley cats.
The news was confirmed by Prince’s publicist, Pope Benedict XVI, who said ‘Prince Rogers Nelson was, as we all know, a demonic sex alien who created music designed to make people go at it like rabid turkeys, and there is no fitter tribute to a man who spent 75% of his life on the verge of ejaculating than to start a tradition where we all take the day off work and hump senselessly with a loved one, or a complete stranger, or several complete strangers.
It’s what he would have wanted so go out and fuck till there’s nothing left!’ the former Pope continued.
Members of the music industry have been quick to pay tribute to the legendary singer song-writer. Madonna called Darling Nicki ‘the greatest song to be porked to’, while Mick Hucknall claimed most, if not all of his 126 illegitimate children were conceived to Purple Rain.
Prince fans around the world were emotional at the breaking news. One mega-fan Lindsay Hegel said ‘Obviously it was a tremendous shock and me and my husband are incredibly upset, but we can take some comfort in the news that Prince’s love of relentless shagging will be commemorated.
‘We’ve taken the whole weekend off and we’re going to listen to all of his albums from the start, and fuck so much and in so many positions it’ll make The Karma Sutra look like The Very Hungry Caterpillar’.
Prince’s death comes in the same year as fellow musical legend and serial intergalactic humper David Bowie, and many around the world are hoping that The Grim Reaper will take a long extended summer holiday.