Junior Doctors Overstate Need to Sleep and See Family, Says Hunt

Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has defended his policy of forced contracts by claiming that junior doctors are wildly exaggerating how often they need to eat, sleep, be in contact with their loved ones, and generally do anything but work.

Hunt told reporters today that, ‘Junior doctors are a superhuman group. It’s not well known, but unlike normal humans, these whining ‘people’ don’t actually need the normal forms of survival that the rest of us do, and I think it’s totally irresponsible of the BHS to be lying to the public and pretending that these doctors can’t work 24/7 without rest’.

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Government research suggests that they in fact do not bleed when cut, and actually ooze a black goo that powers their ability to not require food.

When asked why the government is singling out junior doctors, Hunt pointed out that individuals in other forms of public service, like the army, the police force, fire fighters, teachers, lawyers, and politicians, among others, are not able to survive without sustenance and relations with relatives, whereas the ‘lying junior doctors’ do not need to stop working at any point. Hunt condemned this ‘lazy attitude’, calling it ‘grossly unfair’ that superpowered young doctors should try to avoid devoting their entire lives to working.

The BHS and the junior doctors were quick to respond to Hunt’s comments, pointing out that Hunt’s belief in Marvel Comics-esque superhero doctors is just one reason why he shouldn’t be the Health Secretary. A BHS spokeperson told Flipside, ‘Seriously? This twat has the job? He thinks Wolverine exists and works in the NHS. We’re even stopping our strikes from time to time so the strikers can go home and rest!’.

Flipside is currently searching for Mr Hunt’s source of his ideas, but seeing as he likely plucked it out from his own arsehole, we don’t have permission to go digging there.

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