The Conservative Party have claimed a resounding victory in the May 5th local elections due to a disappointing Labour voter turnout, as most of them had forgotten to vote as they were busy setting fire to all the synagogues in Britain.
The Labour Party suffered an electoral setback in their antisemitic zeal, with leftists completely forgetting about parliamentary democracy as they stared into the flaming remains of Jewish houses of worship. Labour voter James Stalinson said, ‘Oh crap, the election was today? Ahh, I was throwing molotovs through a synagogue window last night, completely passed my mind. Fun night though’.
Tory MPs and supporters have claimed the Labour indulgence in arson reflects the controversy over systemic antisemitism in the Labour Party. Conservative voter Harold Hasnoproblemwithjews said, ‘This just proves it! What else does burning down churches when they could be calmly signing ballot papers show? The left’s love of Livingstone has gone too far’.
Flipside spoke to Ken Livingstone in his office, and as he stared longingly into his framed painting of Gestapo chief Heinrich Mueller he told us, ‘These fires don’t prove that the Labour Party is antisemitic. The left is known for their revolutionary activities, and this is merely part of that. We don’t hate Jews, we’re just trying to change the system, hopefully to one without Jews’.
Conservatives have claimed the fact that Tory voters went out to vote rather than firebomb food banks or disability clinics show that the Conservative Party loves everyone. Tory MP Brian Stephens-Lovesthepoor-Jones told Flipside, ‘Policy doesn’t demonstrate discrimination against minorites, but fires do. We’re not shooting junior doctors, and I’ve never kicked a homeless man, so clearly there’s no systemic problems in the Conservative Party and we’re the only choice for the British people’.
Flipside suggests to Labour voters to try voting from now on, as we’re not sure what change countrywide firestorms bring about other than a greater amount of lung diseases.