Music Industry to Child Prodigy: Fuck Off, We’re Full

In the latest of a series of big companies doing evil things, music industry giants, including massive pop artists such as Taylor Swift, have today announced that they will be accepting no more child prodigies, or any new artists whatsoever, into the music industry.

Child prodigy Sebastian Fluonbentaire (pictured) was heartbroken when told by all record labels that they were no longer accepting submissions, and would never be accepting submissions ever again.

A statement released earlier today from both Universal and Sony Music Entertainment simply stated “to all new musical acts: fuck off, we’re full.”

The face of crushed dreams

On the issue, Swift said “well yeah, basically we figured it’d make our jobs a lot easier if we didn’t have to compete with up and coming artists, and especially not really talented child prodigies. This move really has taken the pressure off making sure the next album is good. Or the one after that. Or after that. Because you have no other choice but to listen to it. Because there are no albums being made by new musicians.”

Some independent record labels have announced they will still be publishing and promoting new work, but only pretentious wankers listen to that shit anyway, and we at Flipside take a pretty laissez-faire attitude to individual lifestyle choices. Let them eat cake.


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