‘We Don’t Need The EU, We Can Fuck Ourselves Up On Our Own’ Says UK

In a momentous decision, the UK has decided that they no longer want the EU telling them how to destroy their economy, believing they are perfectly capable of messing things up themselves.

On Thursday 23rd June, 52% of people chose to leave the European Union as they see it as not doing enough to cause economic and political collapse in Britain. The UK has therefore decided to take matters into it’s own hands and ensure on their own terms that the country is irreversibly buggered.

Leave voter Bill Francis told Flipside, ‘I’ve always been capable of ruining my own life, I’ve never needed anyone to tell me how. When I cheated on my wife, no one told me how to do it, I just did it and now my kids don’t talk to me, and that was my decision. That’s why I voted leave’.

The Leave campaign has been jubilant this morning at the news. Leave spokesman Hugh Norman said, ‘I’m absolutely thrilled to hear our future crises are now firmly our doing. I’m a firm believer in taking responsibility in causing your own destruction, and the British people have showed they believe that too’.

The Remain camp have been understandable upset at the news, with rumours that Scotland, Northern Ireland and even possibly London planning to go independent and stay in the EU. Remain voter Sophia Michaels told us, ‘If our country is to go down the toilet, I’d rather it be someone else’s fault! As part of the EU, we can let them cause problems, and be satisfied that we didn’t make society collapse ourselves’.

The victory for the Leave campaign was also followed by David Cameron stating his intention to resign as Prime Minister in October, presumably so he can quickly get out of the UK and move into a secluded cabin in Canada. We hear it’s quite nice there.

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