The author of this article wrote this pun and he thought maybe it’d make people like him again, like they did in May (THERESA May, right!?!) (stupid stupid stop TRYING so hard) when Leeds Flipside first launched. But then he tried to come up with an article to surround it, and just nothing.
He thinks this writers block stems from, to be quite honest, the fact that your writer is just fed up.
He’s fed up with the weather. It’s too nice and he’s getting sun burnt, so he’s forced to spend all day inside and all of his friends keep sending him snapchats of the exotic beaches they’re sat on and he’s just stuck in his bedroom at his parents house, and none of his old friends from sixth form are replying to his messages, and he’s not sure if it’s because they’re away or just because they figured out that they never really liked him in the first place.
He’s fed up with the economy; financial markets taking a nose dive, his chance of getting a job after graduating looking about as likely as Tony Blair being put on trial for war crimes, seeing big red numbers every time he opens the Santander mobile banking app because he went on holiday to Amsterdam and got too high and spent €5 on a waffle that wasn’t even that tasty (which is about £5 to all you Europhobes out there, THANKS Brexit).
He’s fed up with how many bugs there are; yeah, it’s been a warm and wet year and that’s good for slugs but like, c’mon, what do they even do?
He was driving along and a wasp AND a moth flew in through the car window and he had to pull over and there was nothing in the car to push them out with so he just sort of had to wait until they left and/or fell asleep. Also his sister got bitten by something and it swelled up to the size of a golf ball and started to ooze puss and she kept coming into his room and saying “look it’s oozing” like he needed that to break up his day.
But mainly he’s fed up because he there’s been no Flipside articles for like, a month, and he’s not quite sure where everyone went and who to blame. He secretly blames Brexit.
He hopes that by writing this in third person people will think he’s some sort of self-referential comic genius.