Public Shocked That Kelvin McKenzie is a Racist Twat

The British public this week were left in utter surprise to find that former Sun editor Kelvin McKenzie is a complete twat and regularly writes absolute shit because of it.

All round nice guy Kelvin ‘Doesn’t Visit Liverpool Much’ McKenzie attracted total shock this week when he wrote a column expressing his disapproval of news reporter Fatima Manji, who wears a hijab, reporting the news of the recent Nice attacks, due to his apparent belief that wearing a hijab is for ISIS what wearing a horned helmet is for Vikings.

Fahrenheit McKenzie’s controversial comments came as a surprise to the public, who never had any reason to suspect he was something of a dick. Norman Ludlow, 32, told Flipside, ‘I just couldn’t believe that he of all people would hold such a view! I don’t know of anything objectionable he’s ever done, like, just off the top of my head, lying about the victims of stadium disasters, or mocking the Scottish, or defaming celebrities and others without reason or evidence, nothing like that’.

Some individuals have come to McKenzie’s defence. Hugh Sanford, 40, said, ‘You wouldn’t have a white Christian man reporting on the 2011 Norway attacks would you? Of course not, because obviously he would immediately support the actions of any white Christian murderer!’. Mr Sanford was then smacked for having nothing sensible to say.

Celsius McKenzie came to his defence by arguing that ever since alienating the whole of Liverpool, he has been looking for larger groups of people to insult. ‘After lying about the Scousers I just felt this void, and I needed to fill it by being as disgusting as humanly possible to as many people as possible. I moved onto Scotland next, and that was a resounding success, and then it occurred to me that there are over a billion Muslims! So many people to say horrible things about, and in this volatile climate, what a great time to be a cunt! Next, it’s onto single-celled organisms’

The Sun’s spokesman said they would be making ‘no comment’ on the issue, which doesn’t matter as they’ve already made a comment by publishing the article in the first place.

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